


this too will end

by kashxy



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Tom Holland Movies
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Isolation, Loneliness, Notes, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, implied suicide, journal form, non-canon compliant, peter parker pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 13:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20815565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kashxy/pseuds/kashxy
Summary: i leave you this book in the hopes that you can continue his legacy without tying my ungodly subsconscious to his presence.i leave you these pages - they will start, and they will end.just like everything else.





	this too will end

**Author's Note:**

> for; you.

_when i was four, i found my mother’s journal. _

_a brown, closed book, full of words my childish brain would have never had the capacity to understand. sealed, with salty tears and a kiss she’d never allow her lips to give to my skin. _

_sorrow. it’s a confusing thing. _

_i leave you this book under my battered, cream pillow in the hopes that the secrets enclosed by these torn pages will never have to reach the infected air of a prying eye. _

_i trust your eyes to wander only over the pages dedicated to you, to take in the secret words only your heart will ever hold. i trust you to protect that secrecy, from each other, and from yourselves. _

_for the longest time, i have contained these words inside my own mind, letting them suffocate me until my face goes purple and my lungs explode. for so long, i have refused to let them leave that sealed envelope inside my brain, not through my mouth, not through my fingertips._

_in these pages, i have woven secret after secret, tiny words and unspoken sentences that you’ll only ever read in rushed, messy letters. please don’t repeat them. please. _

_i hold the highest hope in my heart that you’ll accept this plea, and contain these words only to your own eyes. if on the off chance they leave your brain in a scattered panic of words, burn these pages and blow away the letters. these go no further than those they are dedicated to. _

_for the longest time, my heart had swayed with the heaviness of a thousand lost secrets, sinking down into my lungs and clogging up my airways until i could barely choke out an apology. tonight, i can breathe. _

_it’s raining, cold and wet and gorgeous and there’s a pigeon on the roof across the street and the light from the shop underneath it is flickering and there’s a couple, middle aged, dancing in the rain next to a lamppost, and it’s so real. it’s insane how real this earth is, how pure and unforgiving and impeccably beautiful it is all in one. _

_ i’m sorry. _

_i’m sorry for only leaving you these pages each. i’m sorry for never having the opportunity to say them to you in person. i’m sorry for making you swear your life on protecting the most vile, most secretive words of my mind. i’m sorry for putting such a wearing burden on your tired shoulders._

_i hope for your happiness. i hope for your forgetfulness, and for your forgiveness, for your acceptance, and your peace. _ _when you read this book and you close it, pass it along with a whispered vow and a silent kiss. i hold my breath as i write this, thinking of the journey this book will take. _

_how long it’ll travel, i don’t know. i beg that no matter what happens, these pages reach their designated purpose. i can rest easy, knowing the words have settled into your mind as they should have. _

_to the next person, and the next, and the next, until the last person is reading this, i trust you to burn this book. i trust you to set it alight and to turn your eyes to the sky as the words float into the atmosphere, dissolving into nothingness among the stars. _

_i trust the contents of this box to stay hidden, to be protected as you would this journal. i trust the red and blue vines to be handled with care, for them to be confined and protected until the next boy comes along with dreams bigger than his heart and eyes full of stars. _

_i leave you this book in the hopes that you can continue his legacy without tying my ungodly subconscious to his presence._

_so i leave you these pages - they will start, and they will end. _

_just like everything else._


End file.
